Celibacy
Description
Definition
Celibacy is the ability to remain single and enjoy it, without experiencing great sexual desire, or considering the desire unimportant. The celibate feels that abstaining from marriage and sexual involvement allows them to focus on more important matters. The Christian celibate refrains from marriage and sexual involvement to give greater attention to serving and pleasing the Lord with their other aptitudes. They may even find that their role in life places them in situations or environments that would be very difficult for a spouse to accept.
Jesus stated that celibacy can be either a personal trait or a choice. “For some are eunuchs because they were born that way . . . and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 19:12).
Paul described some benefits of celibacy. “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs–how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world–how he can please his wife–and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world–how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:32-35).
As a celibate, you feel unencumbered by marriage and sexual involvement, free to invest more completely in your work. Even if your work were not very important, you would likely enjoy remaining single and uninvolved, content with having good friends.
God has arranged for opposites to attract, which causes people of very different personality types to get married. A major benefit of this arrangement is that a spouse can bring out both the best and the worst in a person’s character, giving them opportunity to address their problem areas. Because you are unmarried, you need to be sensitive to your close friends and associates, alert to signs they are having problems with your character. When you suspect a problem, you may need to ask them about it and listen carefully. A spouse is more likely to tell you what you need to know even when you don’t want to hear it. A friend or associate, however, may avoid the issue.
Some people remain single so they can indulge themselves more, without having to consider another person’s desires or needs. This may explain why some people wait longer to get married. If this is your reason for delaying marriage, you are reinforcing your self-centeredness and virtually guaranteeing serious problems when you marry.
You may have remained single due to a painful experience or fear, which caused you to withdraw or be defensive. If so, you may not have the gift of celibacy, but have remained celibate for other reasons.
If you married primarily because it seemed the right thing to do or because of people’s expectations, you do not find marriage very fulfilling. You might consider your spouse a good friend but feel distracted by marriage, even become engrossed in your work and ignore your responsibilities to your spouse. If you feel it was a mistake to get married, you may be making the problem worse by seeking a divorce.
Typical Characteristics
● Experience very little sexual desire or consider the desire unimportant.
● Except for peer pressure, enjoy remaining single and feel no need to get married.
● View being single as an opportunity to focus on other interests.
Tendencies
Because celibacy is primarily a means to fulfill another aptitude, celibacy itself probably will not affect your tendencies.
Misunderstandings
Since our culture emphasizes sexual gratification, your lack of interest in sex may cause others to consider you strange or psychologically deficient. Also, the spread of homosexuality may cause others to misinterpret your lack of interest in heterosexuality.
Vocations and Roles
Celibacy permits you to focus more on your other aptitudes, skills, and interests.
Perversions
Self-Centeredness
(Perverts your aptitude by focusing it on you, emphasizing the pleasure or fulfillment it gives you.)
Being unmarried, you can easily become very self-indulgent, not having to consider another person’s desires or needs.
Extremes
(Perverts by exaggerating, taking your characteristics and tendencies to extremes.)
In the extreme, you may reject all close relationships and live entirely for yourself without accountability of any kind. Without the benefit of the accountability close relationships provide, your character is unlikely to develop and mature. This also can cause you to be self-absorbed and worth very little to God’s kingdom or to other people.
Completely avoiding relationships with the opposite sex is an exaggeration of celibacy and prevents the character balance that such relationships can provide.
Control
(Self-centeredness makes you want to be in control, and you struggle for control in a way that is unique to your character.)
When conflict occurs with someone of the opposite sex, you are likely to seize control in one of two ways. You might isolate yourself from others of that gender to prevent further injury. Or you might engage in behavior you believe will punish members of the opposite sex.
Redemption
Putting on Important Traits
Certain godly character traits are especially important to you as a celibate. Consciously developing the following traits will help you benefit from your celibacy, giving undivided attention to your other aptitudes.
● Humility (Considers self relatively unimportant compared to others; prevents using abilities for one’s own satisfaction.) Humility prevents you from becoming or remaining self-centered, which helps you avoid using your other aptitudes primarily for the pleasure they give you.
● Agape (Considers others’ welfare, needs, interests, and desires more important than your own; motivates you to act for others’ benefit regardless of personal impact.) Agape motivates you to use your other aptitudes for the benefit of others, to give yourself in undivided service to their welfare, needs, and interests.
Repentance, Renewing Your Mind
(The changes you need to make in the way you think, including your attitudes, standards, priorities, and perspective.)
Celibacy allows you to give your undivided attention to your purpose in life. You also can serve others with much greater commitment, compared to a married person who risks offending or neglecting their spouse.
Denying and Humbling Yourself
(Rejecting your own desires and self-interests. Refusing to be motivated by desire for recognition or credit for the results.)
The responsibilities and accountability of marriage provide opportunities to give up personal desires and interests for the sake of another person. The celibate lifestyle, however, can promote intense self-centeredness. You need to focus on serving others with your aptitudes, making your own desires and interests less important.
Taking up Your Cross
(Accepting that which has potential for great harm, threatens to break you down, or reveals your inadequacies.)
Marriage places a person in close relationship with someone very different from them, so they can learn to overcome their weaknesses by learning from the other person’s strengths. In that sense, celibacy itself may become a cross for you, depriving you of an environment that encourages growth by overcoming weaknesses.
Following Jesus
(How you uniquely imitate Jesus by doing what He would in your situation.)
Jesus should be your celibate role model. He invested Himself heavily in meeting the needs of others according to His abilities. He rejuvenated Himself by spending extended periods with God.
Becoming Like a Child
(Accepting what God gives you, believing what He tells you, trusting Him to take care of you, and simply doing what He says.)
Without the nurture, encouragement, care, and support provided by a healthy marriage, it is even more important for you to develop a childlike relationship with God. Learn to receive love, acceptance, and all the other benefits of intimate relationship from Him.